January 25, 2010 by multiracialsky
From Upside-Down Adoption:
Let’s say you live with your child in a house that burns down. You’re dazed, confused, and burned. Your neighbor says, “I think I should take care of your child”. You say, “Thanks for your offer. But my child really needs me now, and I think they wouldn’t sleep well in a strange house. If you could just give us a tent and some food and some bandages so we can camp out while I get better and look into rebuilding, we’ll be OK.” Your neighbor says, “that’s too logistically complicated and I’m concerned about the security situation. I just want your child.” You say, “Thanks again for your concern and I’m grateful for any help you can give me. If you’re so worried about my child, maybe you could let both of us stay in your guestroom for a while? That way my child could be safe and would sleep well too.” Your neighbor says, “No, we have an interdiction-at-sea policy and visa restrictions will not be relaxed. Just give me your child. Actually, nevermind. I don’t even need your permission anymore. I’ll just take them.”
From Watching the Waters on RAD:
Sometimes I feel like.. how many times can a person reach out and get smacked away before they stop reaching out? And then I think, it is not her fault that she cannot accept the love that I want to give her. And maybe it is wrong of me to keep pushing her to attach and to love. Maybe it is something she is just not capable of… like asking me to run a 4 minute mile.. no matter what you bribe me with or threaten me with, I will never, ever, ever be able to run a 4 minute mile. It’s just not possible. So maybe I should stop pushing her to attach, stop trying to create this mother/daughter relationship.. and just become her caregiver. Just raise her, the best I can, without asking for any kind of emotional bond. (Can I even do that? I don’t know.)
From The Bodie Bunch:
I spoke with several adoption professionals yesterday, one telling me that in reality when older children are placed with the initially idealistic, hopeful adoptive parents , as I once was long ago, that they should be told, “There are, and there will be, very few success stories, often it’ll only feel as if you are a way station, warehousing children, versus enjoying the family feel of a situation, there’ll be long, abject years of misery.” That is the reality.