Princess Party for Little Girls of Color

 I have three daughters, and all of them have been through the princess phase. My four-year-old seems more smitten than either of her older sisters were. She was a princess (with an afro) for Halloween. She wanted a princess theme for her fourth birthday party. We created her invitation, invited a handful of 3-5 year old friends, assigned Jaja the role of queen and Rico the role of king, and then I continued my ongoing search for princesses of color–this time for party bags.

Here’s what I found:

• Little Books of Princess Stickers (check out the gorgeous curls on the Black princess in the pink dress)
• Ten Sheets of Multiracial Sticker Paper Dolls, including a ‘Princess and Fairy’ page (for the birthday girl, of course)

My mom and Teri discovered this giant write-on/wipe-off book featuring brown-skinned princesses. And I am ever on the hunt for books with princesses of color. These are a few of our current favorites:

• The Princess and The Pea, by Rachel Isadora
• Princess Grace, by Mary Hoffman
• Sugar Cane: A Caribbean Rapunzel, by Patricia Storace and Raul Colon
• The Gospel Cinderella, by Joyce Carol Thomas and David Diaz
• Glass Slipper, Golden Sandal: A Worldwide Cinderella, by Paul Fleischman
• The Twelve Dancing Princesses, illustrated by Jane Ray (Almost impossible to purchase in the U.S.; we love our book from the library.)
• And of course, Jump at the Sun Fairytale Classics, illustrated by John Kurtz. Our favorites include Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella (except for the fact that her fairy godmother straightens Cinderella’s hair as part of her transformation for the ball)

Teri’s friends came to her party in their fanciest clothes, and then they proceeded to dress up, decorate paper crowns, and enjoy the pink strawberry cake. It was a small, mellow party: our four kids, 5 little friends, a handful of parent-friends for us to chat with. (I think we had 50 people here last January, mostly children under seven, all indoors, way too crazy.)

Birthdays in our family are all about celebrating the birthday girl or boy, and acknowledging their completion of another trip around the sun. We have cake on both their actual birthday and their party-with-friends day (or a cake stand in–this year Teri had an ice cream cone with 4 candles on her actual birthday). We don’t do presents at our birthday parties, so the parties are all about the friends, the cake, and the theme. We ask the children’s friends to bring a photo or drawing related to the party theme instead of a present. The theme is also helpful in designing the invitations (combining the kid’s drawings and some writing, and my budding graphic design skills), decorating the cake, and in putting together party-favor bags, which is a highlight. We have had a lot of animal-themed parties: pig, dog, bunny, panda, duck, and fish, (to name a few). We’ve also had a fairy party, a ballerina party, and now a princess party, as well as a biking party (at the playground), an ice skating/hockey party (at the rink), and a skiing party (at the ski hill). Our next party will be for Gretel, who is already brain-storming themes for her mid-summer birthday party.

So, all you parents of beautiful brown girls, what are your favorite princess of color finds? I have to keep up my stockpile for next year.

I’m Coming Back

It’s been a while, but it seems I still have something I need to say–imagine that. With all of the heartbreak our family has been through the past 2 years, there has also been tremendous learning going on here, mostly about who we are and who we want to be.

The kids are getting older: 4, 5, 7, and 8 now. We continue to homeschool/unschool with 2 in second grade, 1 in kindergarten, and 1 in ‘preschool’. We’ve got sports; we’ve got music lessons; we’ve got readers and languages and art and dance, and a whole new set of easy readers and chapter books for multiracial families. Homeschool is our life, and we’re loving the results.

The questions of whether or not our family-building is done, whether or not we will move, whether or not our children will ever go to school, whether or not I’ll become a farmer or a painter or a social worker (again) . . . all these questions remain as of yet unanswered. But I have sold a painting and an essay, and I’m ready to get back to work around here. See you again soon.

Talking About Race

Cross-posted from resources for Talking About Race at MultiracialSky.com.

The key to talking with your child—or anyone—about race is the same key to discussing any complex subject: openness. Start an open dialog with your child about race early in their life. Make it a comfortable subject of conversation—for you, and for your child.

WORDS: Find descriptive words you are comfortable using. Check out the MultiracialSky Glossary for expanded definitions of 60 race-related terms, including 30 heritage-affirming words used today to describe people with a variety of racial and ethnic heritages.

COLORS: Start with words describing color such as brown or tan, or the colors of foods. The Colors of Us [below] has wonderful descriptive color words.

IDENTIFIERS: Teach your children words they can use to identify themselves, and terms people with other heritages use to identify themselves. (Examples: multiracial, Amerasian, Latina.)

RACE AND ETHNICITY: Talk with your child about names for different racial and ethnic heritages. The descriptions and words you use may evolve and change over time, or as the socially predominant terms evolve. (Examples: African American, Black American, Native American, European American, Asian American, Mexican, White, Black, Cuban, Irish)

HUMAN RACE: When talking about race in scientific terms, the fact remains that there is only one human race. This is a fact and statement we should equip our children with. However, especially as parents, we must also recognize that the societal construct of different and distinct races affects everyone.

BOOKS FOR CHILDREN

The Colors of Us
Written and Illustrated by Karen Katz

The perfect book to begin the conversation with your child about skin color. Uses positive language to discuss the limitless variety of tones of the color brown.

Purchase from Amazon

Skin Again
Written by bell hooks, Illustrated by Chris Raschka

Poetic words accompanied by beautiful paintings. This book conveys a strong message that you cannot know who someone is simply by looking at them.

Purchase from Amazon

All the Colors We Are: The Story of How We Get Our Skin Color
Written by Katie Kissinger, Photographs by Wernher Krutein

Simply explained scientific history of where and how humans get their skin color. In English and Spanish. NOTE: Multiracial families are presented as atypical following these two sentences: “Usually people with light skin have children with light skin. People with dark skin usually have children with dark skin.”

Purchase from Amazon

All the Colors of the Earth
Written and Illustrated by Sheila Hamanaka

Flowing text paired with paintings of children of all skin tones. Multiracial children and interracial couples shown.

Purchase from Amazon

Shades of Black
Written by Sandra L. Pinkney, Photographs by Myles Pinkney

Photographs and positive language show the variety of skin color, eye color, and hair texture present in children with Black American heritage.

Purchase from Amazon

Amazing Grace
Written and Illustrated by Mary Hoffman

Clearly narrated story of an imaginative girl who overcomes classmates’ limitations of her because of her skin color and gender.

Purchase from Amazon

BOOK RESOURCES FOR ADULTS–For thinking and talking about race and racism

A People’s History of the United States
By Howard Zinn

The portion of American History missing from traditional textbooks. The U.S. history of women, African Americans, Native Americans, immigrants of all nationalities, the working class and the poor.

Purchase from Amazon

Everyday Acts Against Racism
Edited by Maureen Reddy

A collection of essays by parents (mostly mothers) raising children of color. Some of the authors are multiracial.

Purchase from Amazon

Some of My Best Friends
Edited by Emily Bernard

Deep, well-crafted essays about interracial friendships by 16 writers.

Purchase from Amazon

White Like Me
By Time Wise
White privilege and race in the United States–past and present–artfully explained and deconstructed by a White man from the South. This book is both life-changing and humorous.

Purchase from Amazon

More Resources for Multiracial Families

My resource website for multiracial families, MultiracialSky.com, has been updated and the long awaited additions have been made. Check out all the new features:

• New issues of the zines My Sky & Symony Fire
• Talking About Race now includes links to Race: The Power of an Illusion and The RACE Project of the American Anthropological Association
• Updated illustrations in Hair and Skin Care for Children
• And the completion of Finding and Creating Community, including
  • A list of major multiracial family groups
  • Section on education and children’s schooling, with online resources
  • Websites to assist families in exploring new communities

Don’t forget classic multiracial family favorites, such as:

• Glossary of Defining Race and Ethnicity
• Creating a Multiracial Home Environment
• Multiracial Identity: for Families and Individuals
• Resources for Transracially Adoptive parents
• and the Sky Store

20 Questions: The Junior Version

Yesterday I had a first: I listened to my oldest daughter comfortably and clearly explain her families and her heritage, under a barrage of questions that had me uncomfortable. She was across a quiet swimming pool, so I could see (and hear) most of the conversation, but I was not part of it. It began with an acquaintance about her age (6) asking, “So, are you two related or something?” indicating Jaja and Gretel.

“We’re sisters,” Jaja replied. Without even asking Jaja’s name (or Gretel’s), this girl continued. She said that my girls couldn’t be sisters because they aren’t the same color. “We are sisters!” Jaja answered cheerfully. This girl then asked if Jaja was adopted. Jaja said yes, and then I missed a few sentences of their conversation.

The next I heard was Jaja saying proudly, “I’m biracial. One of my birthparents is Black and one is White.”

And then this girl says (more than once, so I know I wasn’t hearing things), “You’re not biracial. If one of your parents is Black, you’re Black.”

“I’m Black and White,” Jaja says, apparently unfazed (at this point, I was getting a little hot under the collar–who does this kid think she is, questioning my daughter like this?)

Then the girl says, “Well, if you’re adopted that means you’re not biracial.” What!?

“Well, I am,” Jaja kept saying, standing her ground without moving an inch. She never said ‘you’re wrong’. Instead, she just kept repeating her own truths. They played together in the pool for a while, and later I heard this girl start up with the color/race/adoption questions again.

At dinner last night, we were talking with all our kids about their favorite parts of the day, and Jaja brought up this girl. “She wanted to talk about skin color a lot,” Jaja said with a sigh.

“Yeah, like brown, tan, mixed,” Gretel chimed in.

“But I liked swimming with her,” Jaja said. She talked a bit more about their initial conversation, and all the questions the girl had asked her.

“You know,” I began, “if someone outside our family asks you a question–about anything–you don’t have to answer it.”

“I know.” Jaja said confidently. “Sometimes it’s good to answer people’s questions, though.”

“Sometimes it is,” I confirmed. “But the questions this girl was asking you were about your personal information. You do not have to share your private information with anyone. You can, if you want to. That is your choice.”

“I know,” Jaja said again.

“If someone asks you a question, you don’t have to tell them the answer–even if you know it. You can say, ‘That’s none of your business’ or ‘I don’t want to talk about that’ or ‘My mom says I don’t have to talk about that if I don’t want to’. If they keep asking you, you can just leave.” I wanted to give her specific things she could say and do.

Jaja nodded. I turned to Rico, “Same goes for you. You don’t have to answer any questions you don’t want to,” I started in.

Rico interrupted me, “I heard everything you said to Jaja. And that’s the same for me, right?”

“It’s the same for you.”

For several hours I was internally focused on my initial shock and annoyance at this child (and her parents). Where did a six year old learn that families/siblings must match? Why is adoption the only connection she can see between brown-skinned Jaja and her tan-skinned sister? And the biggies: Where did this little kid learn that if you have one Black parent and one White parent then you must be Black? And where does she get off telling my child that her racial self-identity is incorrect?

Hours later, after all the kids were in bed, I began to feel really impressed with Jaja. My sometimes shy little girl aswered this litany of invasive questions with confidence and clarity. She knew her facts and did not seem a bit rattled by this other child’s insistence that Jaja was wrong. Jaja knew she was right: she’s biracial; she’s both Black and White; she was adopted, and Gretel is her sister.

My daughter had the facts and the words and the answers at hand when she needed them. And she was so mature in the way she handled the whole situation–she made me proud.