Princess Party for Little Girls of Color

 I have three daughters, and all of them have been through the princess phase. My four-year-old seems more smitten than either of her older sisters were. She was a princess (with an afro) for Halloween. She wanted a princess theme for her fourth birthday party. We created her invitation, invited a handful of 3-5 year old friends, assigned Jaja the role of queen and Rico the role of king, and then I continued my ongoing search for princesses of color–this time for party bags.

Here’s what I found:

• Little Books of Princess Stickers (check out the gorgeous curls on the Black princess in the pink dress)
• Ten Sheets of Multiracial Sticker Paper Dolls, including a ‘Princess and Fairy’ page (for the birthday girl, of course)

My mom and Teri discovered this giant write-on/wipe-off book featuring brown-skinned princesses. And I am ever on the hunt for books with princesses of color. These are a few of our current favorites:

• The Princess and The Pea, by Rachel Isadora
• Princess Grace, by Mary Hoffman
• Sugar Cane: A Caribbean Rapunzel, by Patricia Storace and Raul Colon
• The Gospel Cinderella, by Joyce Carol Thomas and David Diaz
• Glass Slipper, Golden Sandal: A Worldwide Cinderella, by Paul Fleischman
• The Twelve Dancing Princesses, illustrated by Jane Ray (Almost impossible to purchase in the U.S.; we love our book from the library.)
• And of course, Jump at the Sun Fairytale Classics, illustrated by John Kurtz. Our favorites include Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella (except for the fact that her fairy godmother straightens Cinderella’s hair as part of her transformation for the ball)

Teri’s friends came to her party in their fanciest clothes, and then they proceeded to dress up, decorate paper crowns, and enjoy the pink strawberry cake. It was a small, mellow party: our four kids, 5 little friends, a handful of parent-friends for us to chat with. (I think we had 50 people here last January, mostly children under seven, all indoors, way too crazy.)

Birthdays in our family are all about celebrating the birthday girl or boy, and acknowledging their completion of another trip around the sun. We have cake on both their actual birthday and their party-with-friends day (or a cake stand in–this year Teri had an ice cream cone with 4 candles on her actual birthday). We don’t do presents at our birthday parties, so the parties are all about the friends, the cake, and the theme. We ask the children’s friends to bring a photo or drawing related to the party theme instead of a present. The theme is also helpful in designing the invitations (combining the kid’s drawings and some writing, and my budding graphic design skills), decorating the cake, and in putting together party-favor bags, which is a highlight. We have had a lot of animal-themed parties: pig, dog, bunny, panda, duck, and fish, (to name a few). We’ve also had a fairy party, a ballerina party, and now a princess party, as well as a biking party (at the playground), an ice skating/hockey party (at the rink), and a skiing party (at the ski hill). Our next party will be for Gretel, who is already brain-storming themes for her mid-summer birthday party.

So, all you parents of beautiful brown girls, what are your favorite princess of color finds? I have to keep up my stockpile for next year.

Talking About Race

Cross-posted from resources for Talking About Race at MultiracialSky.com.

The key to talking with your child—or anyone—about race is the same key to discussing any complex subject: openness. Start an open dialog with your child about race early in their life. Make it a comfortable subject of conversation—for you, and for your child.

WORDS: Find descriptive words you are comfortable using. Check out the MultiracialSky Glossary for expanded definitions of 60 race-related terms, including 30 heritage-affirming words used today to describe people with a variety of racial and ethnic heritages.

COLORS: Start with words describing color such as brown or tan, or the colors of foods. The Colors of Us [below] has wonderful descriptive color words.

IDENTIFIERS: Teach your children words they can use to identify themselves, and terms people with other heritages use to identify themselves. (Examples: multiracial, Amerasian, Latina.)

RACE AND ETHNICITY: Talk with your child about names for different racial and ethnic heritages. The descriptions and words you use may evolve and change over time, or as the socially predominant terms evolve. (Examples: African American, Black American, Native American, European American, Asian American, Mexican, White, Black, Cuban, Irish)

HUMAN RACE: When talking about race in scientific terms, the fact remains that there is only one human race. This is a fact and statement we should equip our children with. However, especially as parents, we must also recognize that the societal construct of different and distinct races affects everyone.

BOOKS FOR CHILDREN

The Colors of Us
Written and Illustrated by Karen Katz

The perfect book to begin the conversation with your child about skin color. Uses positive language to discuss the limitless variety of tones of the color brown.

Purchase from Amazon

Skin Again
Written by bell hooks, Illustrated by Chris Raschka

Poetic words accompanied by beautiful paintings. This book conveys a strong message that you cannot know who someone is simply by looking at them.

Purchase from Amazon

All the Colors We Are: The Story of How We Get Our Skin Color
Written by Katie Kissinger, Photographs by Wernher Krutein

Simply explained scientific history of where and how humans get their skin color. In English and Spanish. NOTE: Multiracial families are presented as atypical following these two sentences: “Usually people with light skin have children with light skin. People with dark skin usually have children with dark skin.”

Purchase from Amazon

All the Colors of the Earth
Written and Illustrated by Sheila Hamanaka

Flowing text paired with paintings of children of all skin tones. Multiracial children and interracial couples shown.

Purchase from Amazon

Shades of Black
Written by Sandra L. Pinkney, Photographs by Myles Pinkney

Photographs and positive language show the variety of skin color, eye color, and hair texture present in children with Black American heritage.

Purchase from Amazon

Amazing Grace
Written and Illustrated by Mary Hoffman

Clearly narrated story of an imaginative girl who overcomes classmates’ limitations of her because of her skin color and gender.

Purchase from Amazon

BOOK RESOURCES FOR ADULTS–For thinking and talking about race and racism

A People’s History of the United States
By Howard Zinn

The portion of American History missing from traditional textbooks. The U.S. history of women, African Americans, Native Americans, immigrants of all nationalities, the working class and the poor.

Purchase from Amazon

Everyday Acts Against Racism
Edited by Maureen Reddy

A collection of essays by parents (mostly mothers) raising children of color. Some of the authors are multiracial.

Purchase from Amazon

Some of My Best Friends
Edited by Emily Bernard

Deep, well-crafted essays about interracial friendships by 16 writers.

Purchase from Amazon

White Like Me
By Time Wise
White privilege and race in the United States–past and present–artfully explained and deconstructed by a White man from the South. This book is both life-changing and humorous.

Purchase from Amazon

More Resources for Multiracial Families

My resource website for multiracial families, MultiracialSky.com, has been updated and the long awaited additions have been made. Check out all the new features:

• New issues of the zines My Sky & Symony Fire
• Talking About Race now includes links to Race: The Power of an Illusion and The RACE Project of the American Anthropological Association
• Updated illustrations in Hair and Skin Care for Children
• And the completion of Finding and Creating Community, including
  • A list of major multiracial family groups
  • Section on education and children’s schooling, with online resources
  • Websites to assist families in exploring new communities

Don’t forget classic multiracial family favorites, such as:

• Glossary of Defining Race and Ethnicity
• Creating a Multiracial Home Environment
• Multiracial Identity: for Families and Individuals
• Resources for Transracially Adoptive parents
• and the Sky Store

Holidays Our Multicultural Way

Our family holidays and traditions focus on family. (We will be with more than 50 members of one side of my husband’s extended family for Thanksgiving next week.) Our family’s holiday celebrations also revolve around seasons. After unceremoniously moving this way for years, our family is now making a conscious (also verbal) effort to celebrate the original holidays that many national holidays were slapped over oh-so-many years ago.

• At Thanksgiving time–the Harvest Festival–we focus on gratitude and remembering our blessings
• At Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa time, we are returning to a Winter Solstice celebration of light and giving
• At Easter time–the Fertility Celebration–we focus on spring and rebirth
• In late June/4th of July, we celebrate high summer, Summer Solstice (the longest day of the year), and Juneteenth

As each comercialized holiday season rolls around, we use the increased community attention as an opportunity to talk with our children more about specific perspectives missing from mainstream culture:

• What really happened at ‘the first’ Thanksgiving dinner? How did the Native Americans and English Puritans (the stereotyped ‘Pilgrims and Indians’)  really feel about each other and treat each other?
• Who was Jesus? What did he do? What do people believe about him? What is a prophet? Who are other biblical and non-biblical prophets?
• Why do our Jewish friends light their menorah at Hanukkah?
• Why was the holiday of Kwanzaa created? Who celebrates it? What are the 7 principles of Kwanzaa?
• Who exactly gained ‘independence’ on the Fourth of July? (And who didn’t?)

One of our main goals with holidays is to be inclusive, (probably an outflow from living in our multiracial family). We hosted a Multicultural Family Celebration (yes, we called it that) on New Year’s Eve a couple years ago. It was a family-focused vegetarian potluck here at our house. We still had our Holiday evergreen tree up and decorated. It was the 6th night of Hanukkah and friends brought their menorah to light. Other friends came in party-clothes from their home countries. We sang songs. It was the last night of Kwanzaa, and it was our family’s all-inclusive multiracial and multicultural celebration (which came out of my understanding that the celebration of Kwanzaa usually includes only people who have ancestry from the African diaspora).

In addition to family and seasons, we use holidays as a time to again think of others who are living through difficult times. Throughout the year, we encourage our children to reflect on the experience of other people (they usually think of children) who do not have as many advantages and comforts as our children. We are really careful to talk about this (especially because some of these are people our children know personally) in a way that does not induce guilt, but that encourages them to (a) be grateful for what they already have, (b) consider whether another purchase/present/item on the eternal wishlist is really necessary, (c) think about what others need–as opposed to what they/we simply want.

Our family has one friend in particular (I’ve known him since I was 11 or 12) who lives and works in a very impoverished neighborhood. In addition to just generally taking care of his friends and neighbors (and anyone else in need who comes to his attention), he houses and cares for homeless pregnant women, and then for the women and their newborns for a period of time after the babies are born. We send him money (mostly for fans, heating oil, and cab fare to the hospital) and diapers, baby clothes, and anything else he says he needs.

Last fall, Rico and Jaja decided we should taks all the presents family members sent to our kids in December–and then box them up and mail them to our friend so that he could give the gifts to kids who didn’t have any presents for the holidays. The kids’ idea inspired us to talk to all our family (and ‘chosen’ family) and request that they send money directly to our friend’s organization, or to my brother (who then went shopping for specific items our friend had requested).

Now, I’ve got to be honest, this idea was not universally well received. There were several family members who took personal offense that we were asking them not to send the kids presents. (Please–no more stuff! We don’t need anything and I don’t know where we’ll put it!) Some family members instead gave money in our name to charities I do not philosophically support–but it was a start.

Without realizing it, our family has returned to celebrating the passing of the seasons instead of participating in most contemporary holidays. Even birthdays (which are a big deal here at our house, with a cake and singing and royal-treatment all day on your actual birthday, and a party on the weekend with lots of friends and more cake and singing) are focused on the person’s completion of another trip around the sun, a year to be reflected on, learned from, and celebrated.

Back to the U.S. holiday closest at hand: Thanksgiving. Here are some resources for parents seeking historical accuracy, age-appropriate content, a way to tell the entire story and still feel good about celebrating Thanksgiving. (My thoughts? We’re celebrating the end of a fruitful year and all the blessings our family has received.)

• Giving Thanks: A Native American Good Morning Message: This book appears to have universally good reviews from all corners. (A new book for my wishlist.)
• Teaching About Thanksgiving: A succinct recounting for parents who want to know the full story of the ‘first Thanksgiving’ including who the real participants were. (This article gave me a new perspective on the historical longevity of Christian fundamentalism in this land.)
• Oyate: “Oyate is a Native organization working to see that our lives and histories are portrayed honestly, and so that all people will know our stories belong to us. For Indian children, it is as important as it has ever been for them to know who they are and what they come from. For all children, it is time to know and acknowledge the truths of history. Only then will they come to have the understanding and respect for each other that now, more than ever, will be necessary for life to continue.” Visit their resources page for the article “Deconstructing the Myths of the First Thanksgiving” as well as books to avoid about Thanksgiving and recommended books.
• American Indians in Children’s Literature: A new blog discovery for me, with many resources including suggestions and commentary about the way we represent Thanksgiving.
• A Resource List for Teaching to or about Native Americans: A comprehensive list of books, not just related to Thanksgiving. (I’m going to have to come back here).

Reading About Race

I recently had the opportunity to speak with a parent considering domestic transracial adoption. All four of my kiddos fell asleep for their afternoon nap sooner than I had expected (that was a first), and I had a leisurely hour-long phone conversation with this soon-to-be parent. She really wanted book recommendations, my top two or three, for White parents about to become a multiracial family through transracial adoption. I laughed and said I recommend my favorite books to everyone I know, whether they are in a multiracial or a monoracial family; and these days my most-read books all relate to race.

She had already begun my top recommendation, A People’s History of The United States: 1492-Present, by Howard Zinn. My first read of this book eight years ago was eye-opening for me, especially because my history knowledge (national and world) is spotty at best. A People’s History covers the significant portion of U.S. history missing from traditional textbooks and classes. It is the U.S. history of women, African Americans, Native Americans, immigrants of all nationalities, the working class and the poor. It should be a required co-text in any highschool or college “American History” class.

The second book I recommended was Everyday Acts Against Racism: Raising Children in a Multiracial World, edited by Maureen T. Reddy. This is a collection of 20 essays by parents (mostly mothers) raising children of color. My two favorite essays, the ones I read over and over, are Trial and Error by Daryl LaRoche (an amazingly-written piece about privilege, institutionalized racism, and raising a multiracial daughter) and Bringing It On Home: Teaching/Mothering Antiracism by Lynda Marin (a grippingly self-exploratory piece about being multiracial, parenting, racism, and college-level teaching).

I lent the book Everyday Acts to a relative last summer, made sure she read the essay by LaRoche and left the rest of the browsing up to her. I told her it was my favorite book. When she returned the book, her only comment (accompanied by a bewildered look) was, “Some of these mothers seem angry.” I think she was worried I was becoming one of those mothers. Not purposelessly angry, I wanted to say, just working hard to do the right thing and fighting for their children’s rights. (I had lent her the book because I didn’t feel able to clearly explain to her where I am these days as a mother of multiracial children of color, and she obviously still didn’t understand.)

The third book I recommend to everyone these days is Some of My Best Friends: Writings on Interracial Friendships, edited by Emily Bernard. You have to take this book slow (or read it twice in a row like I did, because I read it so fast the first time I couldn’t keep all the stories straight). This book contains deep, well-crafted essays about platonic interracial relationships from 16 writers. My favorite essay here is ‘Cartilage’ by Susan Straight, a White mother of multiracial daughters who has lived in an African American neighborhood for 25 years.

Here you can also find my favorite children’s books about skin color and race, and ideas for how to start the conversation about ancestry, heritage, race and ethnicity with the children in your family or the children in your class.

Happy Reading!