Princess Party for Little Girls of Color
I have three daughters, and all of them have been through the princess phase. My four-year-old seems more smitten than either of her older sisters were. She was a princess (with an afro) for Halloween. She wanted a princess theme for her fourth birthday party. We created her invitation, invited a handful of 3-5 year old friends, assigned Jaja the role of queen and Rico the role of king, and then I continued my ongoing search for princesses of color–this time for party bags.
Here’s what I found:
- Little Books of Princess Stickers (check out the gorgeous curls on the Black princess in the pink dress)
- Ten Sheets of Multiracial Sticker Paper Dolls, including a ‘Princess and Fairy’ page (for the birthday girl, of course)
My mom and Teri discovered this giant write-on/wipe-off book featuring brown-skinned princesses. And I am ever on the hunt for books with princesses of color. These are a few of our current favorites:
- The Princess and The Pea, by Rachel Isadora
- Princess Grace, by Mary Hoffman
- Sugar Cane: A Caribbean Rapunzel, by Patricia Storace and Raul Colon
- The Gospel Cinderella, by Joyce Carol Thomas and David Diaz
- Glass Slipper, Golden Sandal: A Worldwide Cinderella, by Paul Fleischman
- The Twelve Dancing Princesses, illustrated by Jane Ray (Almost impossible to purchase in the U.S.; we love our book from the library.)
- And of course, Jump at the Sun Fairytale Classics, illustrated by John Kurtz. Our favorites include Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella (except for the fact that her fairy godmother straightens Cinderella’s hair as part of her transformation for the ball)
Teri’s friends came to her party in their fanciest clothes, and then they proceeded to dress up, decorate paper crowns, and enjoy the pink strawberry cake. It was a small, mellow party: our four kids, 5 little friends, a handful of parent-friends for us to chat with. (I think we had 50 people here last January, mostly children under seven, all indoors, way too crazy.)
Birthdays in our family are all about celebrating the birthday girl or boy, and acknowledging their completion of another trip around the sun. We have cake on both their actual birthday and their party-with-friends day (or a cake stand in–this year Teri had an ice cream cone with 4 candles on her actual birthday). We don’t do presents at our birthday parties, so the parties are all about the friends, the cake, and the theme. We ask the children’s friends to bring a photo or drawing related to the party theme instead of a present. The theme is also helpful in designing the invitations (combining the kid’s drawings and some writing, and my budding graphic design skills), decorating the cake, and in putting together party-favor bags, which is a highlight. We have had a lot of animal-themed parties: pig, dog, bunny, panda, duck, and fish, (to name a few). We’ve also had a fairy party, a ballerina party, and now a princess party, as well as a biking party (at the playground), an ice skating/hockey party (at the rink), and a skiing party (at the ski hill). Our next party will be for Gretel, who is already brain-storming themes for her mid-summer birthday party.
So, all you parents of beautiful brown girls, what are your favorite princess of color finds? I have to keep up my stockpile for next year.
On Haitian Adoption & Traumatized Children
From Upside-Down Adoption:
Let’s say you live with your child in a house that burns down. You’re dazed, confused, and burned. Your neighbor says, “I think I should take care of your child”. You say, “Thanks for your offer. But my child really needs me now, and I think they wouldn’t sleep well in a strange house. If you could just give us a tent and some food and some bandages so we can camp out while I get better and look into rebuilding, we’ll be OK.” Your neighbor says, “that’s too logistically complicated and I’m concerned about the security situation. I just want your child.” You say, “Thanks again for your concern and I’m grateful for any help you can give me. If you’re so worried about my child, maybe you could let both of us stay in your guestroom for a while? That way my child could be safe and would sleep well too.” Your neighbor says, “No, we have an interdiction-at-sea policy and visa restrictions will not be relaxed. Just give me your child. Actually, nevermind. I don’t even need your permission anymore. I’ll just take them.”
From Watching the Waters on RAD:
Sometimes I feel like.. how many times can a person reach out and get smacked away before they stop reaching out? And then I think, it is not her fault that she cannot accept the love that I want to give her. And maybe it is wrong of me to keep pushing her to attach and to love. Maybe it is something she is just not capable of… like asking me to run a 4 minute mile.. no matter what you bribe me with or threaten me with, I will never, ever, ever be able to run a 4 minute mile. It’s just not possible. So maybe I should stop pushing her to attach, stop trying to create this mother/daughter relationship.. and just become her caregiver. Just raise her, the best I can, without asking for any kind of emotional bond. (Can I even do that? I don’t know.)
From The Bodie Bunch:
I spoke with several adoption professionals yesterday, one telling me that in reality when older children are placed with the initially idealistic, hopeful adoptive parents , as I once was long ago, that they should be told, “There are, and there will be, very few success stories, often it’ll only feel as if you are a way station, warehousing children, versus enjoying the family feel of a situation, there’ll be long, abject years of misery.” That is the reality.
Homeschool K-2, Fall 2009
September
- Visit Zoo
- Visit Science Center, with planetarium show (Jaja & Rico) and Discovery Room (Gretel)
- Visit friend who runs a shelter for homeless pregnant and parenting women; deliver supplies
- Catch frogs and toads around aunt’s pond
- Listen to and watch aunt play her new grand piano
- Go to City Museum with cousins
- Visit friend’s farm; pick tomatoes, feed pigs, and give each other wagon rides
- Swim at fancy pool/water park
- Play basketball and wiffle ball with uncles
- Attend Major League baseball game, and learn how to track hits and keep score
- Explore city garden park designed by family member
- Adoption agency annual picnic, including face painting and jumping castle
- Apple Festival: apple picking, Taiko drumming, rope swing, hay slide
- Throw Atlatl at annual competition/event
- Talk to actors participating in historic Native American ‘encampment’
- Take passenger ferry back and forth across lake
- Walk through a corn maze
- Hike in the rain
- Soccer team
- Conclude seasonal participation in our family’s CSA (Community Supported Agriculture)
October
- Trip to Florida
- Beach at night, phosphorus in ocean (Rico & Gretel)
- See Jelly fish (Rico)
- Catch fish with a net
- Swim in the ocean
- See dolphins
- Build sand castles
- Protect sand castle from rising tide
- Talk about tides and palm tress
- Swim in pool; Gretel learns how to swim
- In pool do handstands, jump into deep water, hold breath, retrieve items off bottom, play Marco Polo
- Skim-boarding and body-surfing (Jaja & Rico)
- Find sharks teeth and shells
- Chase and catch lizards (Rico)
- Play tennis, frisbee, football, and catch
- Design jack-o-lanterns
- Clean out and carve pumpkins
- Participate in Art Walk, with homeschool art show
- 200-500 piece puzzles
- Math games
- Read out loud
- Soccer ends & Hockey begins
- Rico’s birthday, and ice skating birthday party
- Watch live Quidditch
- Friend’s Halloween party, including singing, band, and crafts
- Design own Halloween costumes
- Talk about letting adults have private conversations, and define eaves-dropping
- Hike with grandparents
- See first snow of the seasons
- Help cook and bake
- Start weekly house-cleaning routine
- Make own bed and pick up own room daily
- Jump on trampoline
- Daily silent reading
- Knitting (Jaja)
- Help Mama take care of our friend’s baby
- Talk about foster care, older children waiting for families, potential feelings/emotions after placement, privilege, and gratitude
November
- Finger puppet show
- Play hair salon
- Hike to pond with friends
- Talk about following directions and not leaving group (Rico)
- Watch college hockey games
- Visit Science Center
- Knit with grandma, including knitting towers and needles
- Hikes/walks with grandparents
- Go to Harry Potter birthday party, with crafts and science experiments
- Build with dry pasta
- Draw portraits of siblings
- Build and make words with scrap wood
- Write math facts on lots of scraps of paper (Jaja)
- Write in journal
- Go to the DMV with mom to register our new van
- Play checkers (Jaja & Rico)
- Play ‘Uno’
- Play ‘Chutes & Ladders’
- Watch Daddy chop wood
- Help stack fire wood
- Our dog becomes ill; talk about old age, illness, and death
- Go orienteering
- Swimming with cousins
- Scavenger hunt with cousins
- Play Restaurant
- Play chess (Rico)
- Ice skating with cousins
- Sculpture with dining table place settings and accessories (Jaja)
- Koi pond
- Tree season drawings (Jaja)
December
- Cut down and decorate Winter Solstice tree
- Carry in wood for the woodstove
- Sweep Kitchen Floor
- Set table and wipe table
- Take out compost
- Listen to Daddy read Harry Potter Books 1-3
- Watch Harry Potter movie #1, and talk about books made into movies
- Play ‘Aggarvation’
- Sleepover party (Jaja)
- Spelling and sounding out words with ‘Bananagrams’ game
- Make flower with a cardboard stem, butterfly bracelet, and crowns (Gretel)
- Cut vegetables for dinner
- Design, build, and paint a wooden robot fro friend’s birthday (Rico)
- Design and address birthday party invitations (Jaja)
- Visit local gingerbread house display, and vote for favorite
- Build with toothpicks and gumdrops
- Fly a friend’s small place (Jaja)
- Paint a ceramic mug (Rico)
- Paint a wooden jewelry box (Jaja)
- Sled and play in the snow in the backyard
- Hockey practice and games
- Figure skating (Jaja & Gretel)
- Downhill Skiing
- Cross-country skiing
- Work on job charts
- Journal Writing
- Language Arts & Math workbook pages
- Computer game time
- DIDJs
- Visit with grandparents and friends
I’m Coming Back
It’s been a while, but it seems I still have something I need to say–imagine that. With all of the heartbreak our family has been through the past 2 years, there has also been tremendous learning going on here, mostly about who we are and who we want to be.
The kids are getting older: 4, 5, 7, and 8 now. We continue to homeschool/unschool with 2 in second grade, 1 in kindergarten, and 1 in ‘preschool’. We’ve got sports; we’ve got music lessons; we’ve got readers and languages and art and dance, and a whole new set of easy readers and chapter books for multiracial families. Homeschool is our life, and we’re loving the results.
The questions of whether or not our family-building is done, whether or not we will move, whether or not our children will ever go to school, whether or not I’ll become a farmer or a painter or a social worker (again) . . . all these questions remain as of yet unanswered. But I have sold a painting and an essay, and I’m ready to get back to work around here. See you again soon.
Talking About Race
Cross-posted from resources for Talking About Race at MultiracialSky.com.
The key to talking with your child—or anyone—about race is the same key to discussing any complex subject: openness. Start an open dialog with your child about race early in their life. Make it a comfortable subject of conversation—for you, and for your child.
WORDS: Find descriptive words you are comfortable using. Check out the MultiracialSky Glossary for expanded definitions of 60 race-related terms, including 30 heritage-affirming words used today to describe people with a variety of racial and ethnic heritages.
COLORS: Start with words describing color such as brown or tan, or the colors of foods. The Colors of Us [below] has wonderful descriptive color words.
IDENTIFIERS: Teach your children words they can use to identify themselves, and terms people with other heritages use to identify themselves. (Examples: multiracial, Amerasian, Latina.)
RACE AND ETHNICITY: Talk with your child about names for different racial and ethnic heritages. The descriptions and words you use may evolve and change over time, or as the socially predominant terms evolve. (Examples: African American, Black American, Native American, European American, Asian American, Mexican, White, Black, Cuban, Irish)
HUMAN RACE: When talking about race in scientific terms, the fact remains that there is only one human race. This is a fact and statement we should equip our children with. However, especially as parents, we must also recognize that the societal construct of different and distinct races affects everyone.
BOOKS FOR CHILDREN
The Colors of Us
Written and Illustrated by Karen Katz
The perfect book to begin the conversation with your child about skin color. Uses positive language to discuss the limitless variety of tones of the color brown.
Skin Again
Written by bell hooks, Illustrated by Chris Raschka
Poetic words accompanied by beautiful paintings. This book conveys a strong message that you cannot know who someone is simply by looking at them.
All the Colors We Are: The Story of How We Get Our Skin Color
Written by Katie Kissinger, Photographs by Wernher Krutein
Simply explained scientific history of where and how humans get their skin color. In English and Spanish. NOTE: Multiracial families are presented as atypical following these two sentences: “Usually people with light skin have children with light skin. People with dark skin usually have children with dark skin.”
All the Colors of the Earth
Written and Illustrated by Sheila Hamanaka
Flowing text paired with paintings of children of all skin tones. Multiracial children and interracial couples shown.
Shades of Black
Written by Sandra L. Pinkney, Photographs by Myles Pinkney
Photographs and positive language show the variety of skin color, eye color, and hair texture present in children with Black American heritage.
Amazing Grace
Written and Illustrated by Mary Hoffman
Clearly narrated story of an imaginative girl who overcomes classmates’ limitations of her because of her skin color and gender.
BOOK RESOURCES FOR ADULTS–For thinking and talking about race and racism
A People’s History of the United States
By Howard Zinn
The portion of American History missing from traditional textbooks. The U.S. history of women, African Americans, Native Americans, immigrants of all nationalities, the working class and the poor.
Everyday Acts Against Racism
Edited by Maureen Reddy
A collection of essays by parents (mostly mothers) raising children of color. Some of the authors are multiracial.
Some of My Best Friends
Edited by Emily Bernard
Deep, well-crafted essays about interracial friendships by 16 writers.
White Like Me
By Time Wise
White privilege and race in the United States–past and present–artfully explained and deconstructed by a White man from the South. This book is both life-changing and humorous.
